What’s up all? In the past I decided to give up on online dating. Too much time wasted messaging girls who ultimately didn’t want to meet and ended up just texting all day with no further intentions.
I decided to pursue JUST in person interactions with girls. And when I was doing that this past month, and reading lot of stuff in the pick up community, I realized I was placing WAY too much weight on each individual approach I did with a female.
I had what they call “oneitis”, when you place the value of a given woman way too high because you think she’s the only option. So, the obvious solution to that is an abundance mindset.
In addition, putting abundance into action and giving yourself many legitimate options for sex will make it so that YOU can be the one doing screening, and not placing too much value on a given interaction, because if the girl doesn’t fit your criteria (sexually available), she gets nexted and you still have other girls who are sexually available.
The question was, if I was placing too much weight on each in person approach, how would I develop these options? Well, like I said the first was an abundance mindset. Thinking, and being thankful for, and BELIEVING you have many sexually available girls ready to be approached…
That is really the key right there. That takes practice and repetition to drive that point home. To really believe it. It’s something I really believe now. I still at times dive in way too fast in to a specific girl and get attached quicker than it calls for, but I really, absolutely do believe that I have many sexually available partners whenever I choose to take action and pursue them.
The secondary avenue, in addition to this abundance mindset, is online dating. Yeah, I started the article by saying how I don’t do online dating anymore, but actually, I meant up until the past couple weeks. And also, I don’t do online dating even REMOTELY similar to how I used to. Let me explain.
In the past, I was just messaging every girl I could that I thought was cute and desperately spending time on openers, and hours and hours and hours and hours searching and messaging them. Then when one did respond, I’d try to run text game, and spend hours and hours and hours and hours delving deep into getting attached to girls.
However, what I was doing was making myself appear as a needy, boyfriend-ready-to-go, guy who had nothing better to do than sit on online dating all day. It was taking over my life, and it was wholly unsustainable, so I would not last more than a few weeks in online dating before deleting my apps claiming it didn’t work.
But now I’m back in it. With a new game plan. Now, I am the one who screens out girls. I am the one who isn’t spending all day searching, coming up with openers, and then texting these girls. I find attractive girls I like, I send them essentially all the same opener, and then I exchange a few messages before pushing for their number to make a plan to meet up.
My profile screens HARD for girls that are sexually available (tone of the written content & the images) and quite frankly, it’s working. I’ve never had as much success with online dating as I have the past 2 weeks. All while spending LESS time than I ever have on it.
In the past, I tried to appeal to everyone, and now, I don’t try to appeal to anyone. I put my intentions out there very clearly, casual sex. And if you like that and want it to, you respond to me when I message you (or, you message me yourself, actually a LOT of girls message me first now), and if you don’t like it, you don’t respond at all.
Either way, I don’t care, because I know and I BELIEVE that there are tens of thousands upon tens of thousands of girls from which I can choose on online dating platforms. If any number of which don’t respond, it’s only an extremely short period of time away before I will do a quick new scan of new members and girls of which I haven’t messaged yet.
You would think the way I am screening for essentially DTF girls would produce a lower response rate, but actually, this is my best converting profile yet, both in terms of number of chicks I’ve hooked up with per message sent out, and in terms of pure response rate.
This is probably because, despite it being so niche and so targeted, it is so niche and so targeted. And by that, I mean, my criteria for who I message is extremely specific as well, and my profile is edgy as hell, so it stands out. It just works.
So, to the primary point of the article… Casual sex. Full disclosure, as I’ve said in the past. I’m not ever going to try and come off as some guru or some shit just to impress you, my reader, or appear as something I’m not. Everything I say is straight up truth, and if you like it, great, if not, that’s okay too (see a pattern with that mindset?!).
Up until this month, I’ve never had casual sex. Sure, I’d make out with a girl I just met, or get a blowjob from a girl who I didn’t have any intention of making my full time girlfriend, and if you want to call that “casual sex” then fine. I classify that more of hooking up though.
But anyway, the first time I have had true casual sex, intercourse, was this month. Before that, I had sex with only one girl (oneitis!) and was a serial monogomist and a guy who had his previous mindset on dating and girls wayyy overly shaped by too many romantic comedies.
For me, sex needed to be perfect and it needed to be a progression built up over time only with someone super special. I had placed extreme weight on it, and it had held up a TON of previous encounters I’ve had with females. A lot of girls I liked and who really wanted to have sex with me, were left confused when we didn’t have it.
And quite frankly, it left me confused too. I was always going back and forth between — am I the kind of guy who wants to meet a girl to hook up, or am I the guy who just wants to meet a nice girl and settle down with. I never had the understanding that those two things could indeed cross paths.
Now I’m not saying I’m dealing with girls in terms of a monogomistic mindset anymore, because I’m not, what I meant was, I can want to date a girl, or girls, and still go into the interaction pushing for casual sex.
When I realized this, I realized, I didn’t have two diverging missions and ideals inside of me in terms of what I wanted from a girl, but rather, two sides of the same coin. And when I thought about it, all of my successful interactions with girls begun with the frame of sexual interest up front.
Any girl who I’ve ended up seriously dating, or just casually dating with no commitment, it started off in such a way that we felt close to one another and comfortable because it wasn’t awkward from any lingering sexual tension, or ambiguity about our intentions. In these interactions, it was very clear we both wanted to hook up with each other, and we did.
And them from that point, we kept on hooking up with each other. And then from there, if we really liked hooking up with each other, we could get to know each other on a deeper level, and if we liked what we saw, then when you’re pursued to make a further commitment to the girl, you can if you want — either a monogomous or uncommitted relationship.
This is what I missed. I had done it properly. The longest relationship I ever had, and the one I was most passionate about, followed the EXACT structure I mentioned above. But I didn’t even realize that’s what I had done.
Since then I have been trying to just jump right into the “we really want to know each other on a deeper level and make a commitment” stage, which was awkward because I don’t even know the girl, she doesn’t know me, and we haven’t even hooked up yet. It was just weird.
This path puts forward such a needy behavior from us (the guy) that it puts you in a bad frame to start your interaction with the girl. Take my word for it. Girls WANT to hook up just as much, if not more, than a guy does. A girl told me that herself the other day. In fact, here’s exactly what she said when I told her that girls want it more than guys:
“We do. And I’m not ashamed to say it”.
I know I jumbled around a bit, but to sum up what I’ve said about casual sex so far… Abundance mentality. It’s a mindset, and it’s also an actionable thing you can create by going out and finding multiple sexual partners. I do this currently with cold approaching, and online dating. I used to have the mindset of putting it all out there, and investing heavily in an interaction by spending hours talking to a girl who hadn’t even agreed to meet me yet. Then I’d push for sex later. I had it backwards. Girls want sex as much if not more than we do, and if you screen properly, you can find those girls easily. Now, my interactions start with a sexual frame, without much talking, just planning meet ups, and then the getting to know you stage happens later on if I want it to. You can absolutely and should be dating multiple women at a time.
So back to my story, this past week, I had casual sex for the first time. As I said, the only other girl I’ve had sex with was when I was in a committed relationship, but we waited until we dated for about 6 or 7 months to have sex (I was a virgin then), and hadn’t had sex since then.
So this was a new mindset for me, and now one I internally adopted. But I realized some key things from my first no strings attached sexual encounter. The first of which, I can definitely have a no strings attached sexual encounter. I always thought I’d be the kind of guy who, once I had sex with a girl, I’d fall in love. And despite everything I knew to be true about sex, I believed there was some spiritual thing that happened when sex occurred that just connected two people on a level that I only wanted to be at for someone I cared about, otherwise, I’d be hurt.
However, I was totally wrong. I had sex with a girl last week, who I had met online just a few hours before, had absolutely not emotional investment in, and have absolutely no emotional investment in now. I had a good time, and that was it. We may see each other in the future, we may not, but either way, I don’t really care.
It’s funny typing that, and saying it loud, because, just a couple years ago, I NEVER would’ve said that. But now I am. I will say, the sexual experience I had was definitely different than the one I had with my committed girlfriend who I WAS emotionally invested in.
There wasn’t as much tension, emotion, or touching. It definitely felt more like a transaction, but money wasn’t exchanged, just sex was. She got what she wanted, and as did I. And that was it. It definitely could’ve just been that specific experience or girl, or me, that made it feel less than “extravagant”, and I will must have more casual sex to find out, but I think it’s also from a lack of emotional investment in each other.
Like I said, the girl I was with didn’t seem to much care if I had a good time. She just wanted to get nailed and leave. And even though I said I didn’t have an emotional investment in the girl, I know I’m good at sex and wanted to make sure she still had a fun experience.
Either way though, putting a sexual frame around the initial interactions with girls is definitely the way to go. I’ve proved it works by this article, by spending less time and energy in online dating than I ever had, and had my first sexual partner from it in less than a week, despite spending years in the past on and off online dating without having a sexual partner.
I wanted to use this article as a springboard for all future posts in my journey. Some of the guys and community that encouraged me to get back into and dominate the online dating game, and dating game as a whole, encouraged the creation of a log of our experiences, as an accountability to ourselves and to others who may be interested in following a similar path.
Normally, I will be doing a video with these articles, however, today my voice is still recovering from being lost over the weekend, and doing a long video now wouldn’t be good for it. So I may put up a video to accompany this article later in the week, but if not, all future articles in this series will be accompanied by a video.
Things you can look out for that I’ll be documenting in this series for you… Number of girls I message every day, the kinds of responses I get, the number of responses I get, the number of girls I meet up with, the number of girls I hook up with, the number of girls I retain to hook up with more than once / date, and things I learn at each step of the way.
Writing this log, in addition to telling you my experience so that you can go out and do it for yourself, is as much or more about me learning for myself. Like I said, I’m not posing as some guru, this is MY journey and helping to document and organize my thoughts into experiences not only lets me see my progress, but helps me put into words exactly what I’ve learned, and even reinforces the lessons I already know.
Until next time, thanks for reading 🙂